HIV / AIDS

Definition(by Mayo Clinic) :AIDS is a chronic, potentially life-threatening condition caused by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV). By damaging your immune system, HIV interferes with your body's ability to fight the organisms that cause disease. HIV is a sexually transmitted disease. It can also be spread by contact with infected blood, or from mother to child during pregnancy, childbirth or breast-feeding. It can take years before HIV weakens your immune system to the point that you have AIDS. There's no cure for HIV/AIDS, but there are medications that can dramatically slow the progression of the disease. These drugs have reduced AIDS deaths in many developed nations. But HIV continues to decimate populations in Africa, Haiti and parts of Asia.

I grew up in Indiana, and one of my first memories in regards to the emergence of AIDS in the United States was the Ryan White story. As time went on, I remember the media frenzy surrounding other well known individuals such as Greg Louganis and Magic Johnson who had contracted the disease.  It even became personal to me as I had a first cousin with hemophilia who contracted the disease through a blood transfusion at 6 months of age.  The one thing that the individuals referred to above have in common is that they all live in America; therefore, they had access to some of the best medicines and health care in the world.  The disease could not be cured, but in most cases the lifespan was greatly lengthened. While I am aware that there are still many new cases of this disease in our country, we don’t hear the media ‘buzz’ about it like we used to.

Unfortunately, HIV/AIDS is virtually an instant death sentence and a social pandemic for those who live in the world’s poorest countries.  In the past year, I have read the book “The Hole in Our Gospel” by Richard Stearns, the president of World Vision.  This amazing book sheds a new light on the social injustices in our world, and encourages Christians to fulfill our responsibility to act as change agents.  As I have a passion for orphan care, my heart broke as I read the chapter discussing HIV/AIDs and the impact it has had on our world.  Here is an excerpt from his book:

Perhaps the most disturbing fact of all is that AIDS has now left 15 million children behind as orphans.  Again, this is a number that is incomprehensible.  Picture a chain of children holding hands and stretching out across America.  This chain, starting in New York, would stretch all the way to Seattle, back to Philadelphia, back to San Francisco, then east to Washington DC, back again to Los Angeles, and finally to about Kansas City – more than five and a half times across the United States! Do you now see why I have called HIV a “doomsday virus”?  These are the grim statistics of AIDS, but they do not tell the story of the men, women, and children whose lives have been destroyed.  In Africa they say that when it comes to HIV, everyone is either infected or affected – no one escapes completely

Now that we are made aware, I don’t think we can turn a blind eye and pretend this doesn’t exist.  So what can we do? I don’t think there has ever been a time more appropriate than now to bring us to our knees in prayer for these children orphaned by this terrible disease.  Another way we can respond is through supporting the HIV/AIDS initiatives of Christian organizations like World Vision or Compassion International who are working to supply the resources needed to both prevent new cases and provide care and treatment to those living with the virus, as well as care for affected orphans and vulnerable children.  Finally, for those of you considering adoption, you can pray about whether God is leading you to open your parameters to include children affected by this disease.

"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act." Proverbs 24:12

Transracial adoption

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

There are many opinions regarding adopting transracially/transculturally. This topic comes up quite frequently among adoption seekers as they are trying to make some significant decisions in not only their life but the life of their future child. I remember as my husband and I were praying about adopting a child and being open to any race. Although, we felt confident God had a plan for our family that was far better than ours, it was a very scary journey. Probably the scariest part to overcome was feeling ill-equipped to parent a child of a race different from our own. I had to find peace with the fact that there will be some things in this life I cannot fully understand nor be able to impart upon my daughters in regards to their culture and ethnicity. Yes, we belong together as a family in every way possible and though we may not share a racial heritage, we do share the deep rooted love of family. Being different racially doesn’t in any way invalidate us as a family. But we must acknowledge there will come a time as our children begin to appreciate their identity separate from ours that they may also feel the need to belong to their birth culture. We plan to do our very best in helping them to achieve this while recognizing we have limitations. Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall describe this wonderfully in their book Inside Transracial Adoption, “So when you can’t be the direct provider of culture, be a bridge to the culture your child needs to be part of. Please don’t feel discouraged by his participation in a culture that does not include you. The connecting links you can forge will not only support him, but will expand your family life in ways that will continue to unfold throughout your lives. Nothing could be more positive.”

Here are a few books I found helpful in regards to this topic. Some are specifically geared to prepare you for certain issues you may face as a transracial family and others offer suggestions for helping your children develop racial/cultural pride.

· Inside Transracial Adoption by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall

· In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories by Rita Simon & Rhonda Roorda

· I’m Chocolate, You’re Vanilla by Marguerite A. Wright

· Adopted For Life by Russel Moore

What have you been asked to do?

"Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." James 4:17

This is a humbling verse. It is very difficult to read these words and then not begin to think of things in your life that you feel the Lord tugging at you about and then simply NOT do it.

There are discussions and books about the calling of the Lord and they are all well and good, but the truth of the matter is we must be DOING what the Lord asks of us.

This past weekend, my family and I went on a little trip to the Smoky Mountains. We hadn't been since our first daughter was a baby and we wanted to take both girls this time. While we were there we experienced the normal awkward looks and little comments about our beautiful trans-racial family. This time, however, it truly didn't cause me to become upset. I felt the most incredible peace as I walked around...knowing that our family had done what the Lord had asked and we continue to strive to do so.

I believe that at this point in my life I have figured out that God will instruct us to follow Him and at times that means people don't agree with your choices, they don't understand the dynamics of your family, they don't like what they see...but our purpose isn't to please others--we are meant to please an audience of One. It is a sin not to.

We have one life here on earth and one opportunity to do all we do for His kingdom and personally for our family that includes adopting those that He finds most precious.

When you do go on the path less traveled and do what God calls for your family He opens up doors to talk to people wherever you are. While my husband was shopping for new shades the girls and I sat outside on a bench next to a woman who bluntly said, "Did you adopt them?" I responded with a simple, "Yes". She began asking why we adopted a black and bi-racial child...so I simply told her that the Lord had called us to adopt and He placed these girls into our hands and that we have been blessed far greater than we could imagine. I was able to talk to her about The 1:27 Call and our ministry to care for orphans and what the Lord is doing and going to do for other families on the adoption journey because of six families that are doing what the Lord asked of them. She made a few remarks but the point is that I got to share my Jesus...with this woman on the Gatlinburg strip all because of my two little conversation starters I call my daughters.

The Lord asks us to do things we don't always understand and we are taken out of our comfort zone many times when we go through the adoption process...but the beauty held within is more than I can put into words.

So, what is Jesus asking you to do? When you do what He asks...He blesses more than you can fathom.

Heavenly Treasures

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21

I have read these words a thousand times, and the truth they hold is powerful. Recently, though, they took on new meaning when I read these words...

"Thank you for choosing me as your child. God bless you."

"Pray for me to grow up, please."

"I love you so much. May God bless you."

"Pray for my education, health, and family."

These words were written by my children...children I have never met, yet they are part of my heart. These are words from 2 of the Ethiopian children that our family sponsors through an organization that helps 1.2 million children around the world. Children that, without a sponsor, are at high risk of being orphaned, if not by the death of a parent, by poverty. These children had been waiting over 6 months to be sponsored.

6 months.

That is too long when you are nine years old.

Young children are sponsored more quickly because the sponsors like being able to have a relationship with them from their early years...or maybe it is because they are "cuter" when they are three. But older children wait many months and their families become desperate for help, often trying to raise several children on less than 30 dollars per month. When these older children finally receive word that they have been chosen, they and their families rejoice from the depths of their spirits!

There are estimated to be 147 million orphans in the world...5 million in Ethiopia alone. BUT there are 2.1 billion Christians in the world. If only a small percentage sponsored or adopted one child it would, in essence, eradicate the orphan crisis.

We are the body of Christ. For a small amount, usually around thirty dollars per month, we can be the hands and feet of Jesus and change the direction of a child's life for eternity. Go online, look up the organizations that are available and on the ground in poverty stricken countries around the world. Pray for the Lord to show you His heart for these children and take that step to build a bridge to those little hearts.

One day soon we will seize the opportunity to travel to Africa again, this time not to bring home an orphaned child, but to meet our children who have been spared the orphanage and are thriving in the knowledge of Jesus' love for them...and the knowledge that there is a family far away who loves them and prays for them.

That is what I call a heavenly treasure!

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

This past April, we had the opportunity to witness one of God’s little miracles unfold right outside the bay window in our dining room.  One day, we noticed a bird’s nest with eggs in it atop some of our shrubs.  In the days following, it became a bit of an obsession to track the progress of these birds to be.  My husband and I truly enjoyed the excitement of our two year old son as he did his daily ‘check’ on the nest.   We were able to capture some pictures of the transformation:

 

As we watched the transformation from an egg to a living, breathing bird, I was acutely aware of how much God cares for His creation.  After it hatched, that baby bird’s every need was met.  His mother protected him in the storms by sitting upon his nest, and his father would sound an alarm if any threat of danger was near.  His father also faithfully brought food to the nest so the bird would be well nourished.  Over a period of about two weeks, the bird continued to grow and develop until it was strong enough to fly away. 

As I witnessed this miracle, it brought me a sense of a peace.  You see, my husband and I are currently in the midst of our 2nd international adoption.  We are on a waitlist for a precious little girl in Ethiopia about whom we have no information yet are completely in love with her.  Seeing how much God cared for that baby bird reminded me just how precious life is to our Creator.  If He was willing to go to that length to ensure that bird’s needs were met, how can I not trust that He holds our daughter in His perfect wings of protection.  During those two weeks, the words from a hymn I truly love kept coming to mind:

“His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me”

I am not saying the wait is easy, but it is comforting to know that my daughter is well taken care of until she is forever home in our family.  To those of you who are waiting for that precious child/children that God has hand picked for your family, may you be encouraged by the little miracles that remind you God is in control and therefore, we can put our worries to rest.

²⁹ Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.^{[a] 30} And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. ³¹ So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.  Matthew 10: 29-31

Positive adoption language

My husband and I have two daughters both adopted domestically. To say they are the greatest blessing this earthly life has offered us is an understatement. I am in awe of the wonder of how God made my family and brought us together through the miracle of adoption. It was no accident, rather it was His awesome and perfect plan since the beginning of creation. In the last few years I’ve experienced enormous support from loved ones, and for that I will forever be grateful. But I’ve also encountered many thoughtless comments and potentially damaging remarks regarding adoption. Although these conversations are well-intentioned, they invoke a guarded posture within me as if I must fight to defend the legitimacy of my family. Our culture is one that seems to place a higher value on genetics. It suggests biological families are somehow superior to those brought together through adoption. Strangers, friends, and even family seem to imply that adoption is risky, abnormal, and even second best. My hope in writing this is to shed light on the feelings of an adoptive mom while confronting common misconceptions in adoption. Below are some frequently asked questions regarding adoption.

Do you have any children of your own? Are they yours or did you adopt them? Are they real sisters?

Oh, if I could tell you how they are my own. The love that I have for them is indescribable. I love every detail about them. It is awesome. It is crazy. It is perfect! After we brought home our oldest daughter I remember looking at her sweet face in the wee hours of the morning, wondering how I could have been blessed with something so amazing. It was during those moments that the scripture “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” kept coming to my mind. It seemed very odd because quite literally she wasn’t bone of my bones or flesh of my flesh. It is a scripture quoted in many marriage ceremonies and possibly thought of between parent and biological child. Why would God of given me this scripture? I believe He was trying to show me the inseparable union of this family. Just as my husband and I were united as “one flesh” the day we married, we were united with our children as “one flesh” the day they were placed in our arms. Nothing but death will separate this union. We are just as much a family as those joined together biologically and they are just as much sisters as any other set of siblings. So, yes, they are my own and of course they are real sisters!

Do you plan to tell them they were adopted? Do they know they were adopted?

This is really not that applicable to us as we are a trans-racial family. My husband and I are Caucasian and our girls are African American and African American / Caucasian. This is a question that has been asked numerous times by different people and I feel it deserves a bit of attention. First of all, we have talked about adoption with them since they were infants. Their adoption stories are celebrated not hidden. Years ago it was not only common to wait to tell children their adoption stories until they were older, it was also common place for adoption “matching” to occur. Adoption workers literally tried to “match” babies to adoptive families by race, physical characteristics, and even social class. This has not been the case for a long time. Even in same race adoptive families it is encouraged for children to grow up knowing their adoption story and be given as much information about birth families as possible. Adoption is awesome! I want to scream this to the hill tops! My children know that our family was joined together in an amazing way. Concealing information or simply never speaking of adoption would give the idea to the adoptive child that adoption is somehow wrong or even shameful. My children view their adoption stories as a source of pride. Waiting until what seems by some to be the “right” moment would undermine our efforts to instill a positive self-identity. We give age appropriate information as their understanding of adoption evolves and encourage any questions regarding their births and biological families. We seek and nurture friendships with other adoptive families and support those that are in the process or considering adopting. It is important for our children to see other families that look like ours and bond with other adopted children. So, yes adoption is talked about frequently in our home.

You meet with your daughter’s “real” mother! Are you afraid she may come and try to claim her? Do you think this will confuse your daughter?

I must be honest and say that when my husband and I first began the adoption process I was fearful of birth parents. This stemmed from lack of knowledge. My children are 100% legally mine. Their birth parents have no parental rights to them and have no authority over their lives. We have an open adoption with my daughter’s birth mom by choice. We take this one day at a time and if we decide the relationship is in any way unhealthy to our daughter we have the right to stop the communication. Our visits have gone wonderfully and it has given me an incredible heart not only for her but for all birth mothers. She loves our daughter very much and made a very difficult and selfless decision when she decided not to parent. It is because of her great love that she chose adoption. This has not been a source of confusion for my daughter. She knows without a doubt that I am her mother and always will be. If anything, it has helped her to understand her adoption story with a greater sense of awareness. I am hopeful this relationship will help to foster respect and love for her birth mother. Keep in mind that open adoption is not for everyone. There are some situations where it would not be a healthy choice for anyone involved, especially the child. Many foster care adoptions take place when birth parents lose parental rights due to neglect and abuse. With international adoption it is nearly impossible to have contact with birth families. Many countries have little to no information about biological parents. Some birth parents are not comfortable with the idea of having a relationship with a child they relinquished and some adoptive parents are not comfortable with having a relationship with the biological parents of their child. Every adoption is unique and what works for one family may not for another. In our case it has been an unbelievable blessing to us all and we hope to be able to continue it in the future.

Adoption is truly a miraculous event. I am aware that some things cannot be understood until it is experienced for oneself. Many of the comments we receive are phrased exactly the way I would have stated them just a few years back. I am also aware that in order to educate people about adoption and the orphan crisis I must welcome appropriate questions. Just remember, adoptive children are listening to the questions you ask and the responses to those questions. So, please be mindful of the words you use because little ears are everywhere.

Waiting

Waiting. It seems that in the adoption process, you do a lot of waiting. You wait for paperwork to be returned, you wait for your referral, you wait for the time to go and hold your child…so much waiting. Sometimes up to three or more years. As my husband and I are praying about another adoption and the direction the Lord is leading us, I began to think about waiting.

Currently, we are being silent and listening to God to ensure that we do exactly as He says and make a move if and when He speaks. There is a song by John Waller called “While I’m Waiting”, when I heard it I instantly thought of the many families on the same journey as I am.

The following are the words to this incredibly moving song:

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

The point of our walk in Christ is that no matter what we live out our faith. We continue to praise Him through setbacks, through financial crisis in the adoption process, through friends and family struggles and their feelings towards our adoption…we PRAISE Him. He always answers and He’s always faithful. We must simply wait. Our personal journey and yours...He knows the ending. That is more comfort to me than anything. It doesn’t matter what the outcome is because if you allow Him to be the author of your story and WAIT on Him for the things in your life…it will be beautiful.