Parenting in GRACE

I have recently learned more about parenting by grace rather than by law.  After adopting, my parenting styles had to be shifted once again, as it did to fit each of my biological children's needs.  What I have learned about parenting an adopted child by grace can and does apply to my biological children as well.  I am so thankful that my eyes have been opened to the depth of grace.  I took these nuggets away from a recent conference I attended...

The law shows you what is wrong with you (sin-conscious).
Grace reveals that you are the righteousness of God in Christ (Christ-conscious).

The law relies on external controls.
Grace trains in Holy Spirit control.

The law focuses on sin/sin prevention.
Grace focuses on Identity/Destiny.

The law is rigid.
Grace gives Spirit-led choices.

The law works in the context of rules.
Grace works in the context of relationship.

The law controls.
Grace empowers.

The law punishes.
Grace trains/disciples.

The law is backward looking.
Grace is forward looking.

The law withholds intimacy/creates emotional distance.
Grace creates intimacy.

The law stimulates shame, fear, hiding, and bondage.
Grace produces openness, encouragement, and freedom to make mistakes.

The law is conforming.
Grace is transforming.

The law requires/forces performance.
Grace yields and expects fruitfulness (as a natural consequence).

As I study what grace looks like, I know that I want to parent by grace just as my Heavenly Father "parents" me.  Grace cannot be an excuse for your children to run all over you but, if used corretly, parenting by grace can bring a peace and togetherness to your home that you have never experienced before.

For further study read Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel.

show HOPE; a movement to care for orphans

Tonight, I would like to highlight an amazing organization that was originally founded out of one couple’s(Steven Curtis and Mary Beth Chapman) desire to see more children find their way into forever families.  Show Hope is a non-profit organization that mobilizes individuals and communities to meet the most pressing needs of orphans in distress by providing 1)homes for waiting children through adoption aid grants, and 2)life-saving medical care for orphans with special needs.

Last week, I had the opportunity to meet some of the beautiful children that Show Hope helped to bring home at a Steven Curtis Chapman concert.  It was amazing to witness part of  the ripple effect of the initial vision the Chapman family had to help a few orphans find a home.  At the concert, it was announced that over 3,000 children have been adopted with the help of this organization. 

I love that this organization realizes that adoption is clearly God’s heart, and they don’t want finances to be a barrier that prevents families from being able to adopt if they feel God is calling them to this.  Show Hope provides adoption grants for families that qualify, has t-shirts you can sell for your adoption, and also assists with engaging the church to care for orphans.  In addition to the adoption assistance, they also have various other ways to get involved in orphan care such as short term missions trips.

In James 1:27, God calls every Christian to look after the orphans and widows in their distress.  If you want to be obedient in that calling, I strongly encourage you to explore Show Hope to find out more about this organization, and to see how you can get engaged! 

We Have All We Need In Jesus

Rich or poor, God I love you more

Than anything that glitters in this world

Be my all, all consuming fire

Cause we have all we need in you

All we need is you

All we need is you

We have sung the above praise and worship song a couple of times in recent weeks at our church, and it moves me to tears every time.  I love the simple truth that is portrayed in the chorus, especially during this season of my life.  You see, my husband and I are now approaching 19 months of waiting for the referral of our daughter from Ethiopia.  No one could have predicted the dramatic change that has taken place in recent months, but I know that God has called us to this and therefore, He will see us through this. 

It is so easy to let my desire to know who our daughter is and our adoption in general, consume my thoughts on a daily basis.  We have already developed a deep love for this precious girl that I can’t even put into words; however, I know this pales in comparison to the love our Heavenly Father has for us.  If we are seeking after Him, He wants to give us the desires of our hearts, but it has to be done in His perfect timing.  I take comfort in knowing that He can see the big picture when my perspective is so limited. 

We have so many unknowns that lay ahead of us as we continue this amazing journey God has us on; however, I pray that I can give my complete and total control to Jesus.  I pray this because I know without a doubt that Jesus is the only place I will find peace and contentment.  “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid”(John 14:27)

If any of you are at a place in your fostering or adoption journeys where you sense fear or worry creeping in,  I pray that you will turn to Jesus.  As I read in a daily devotional recently, Jesus is there to outsource your anxiety.  Slow down, look up, trust Him, and watch Him create extraordinary results.  This is the only place where your thirsty soul can always drink and be satisfied. May you find sweet rest for your souls as you give the circumstances of your life over to the one that gave His perfect life for us.  After all, He is truly all you need.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

Created for Care

This past weekend I had the blessing of attending the Created for Care retreat. It was indescribable to be surrounded with 430+ adoptive mothers all united in worship and sharing our stories of how we came to adoption...our journey to our children. God was certainly there, as He is in every step of each of our stories.

I had many takeaways from the weekend, but there were three primary things that pertained to my children that really seemed to hit home for me as a mom. The first was that God did not call us to "fix" our children. God calls us to love our children with the same love He has for us. We are to meet them where they are. It sounds so hard, but really isn't it simple? When my daughter is fearful of everything and I don't understand why and get so frustrated with her, I don't need to fix that in her...I need to love her where she is and work with her fears and one day she will learn to not be afraid by the love of Christ I am showing her. There are many examples I could give but that is a daily struggle in our house...fear of everything.

The second thing that was said in one of our sessions was that JESUS is our child's Savior. We can't save them and nor should we continue to try to. He is the only one who can and we can only model the Salvation in the way that we love our children and the way that we daily love others.

The final takeaway regarding my children was that in teaching our children about the Lord if you make religion or the Lord a forced part of everyday it becomes LAW and not love. Children don't buy into law, but they do buy into love. Her meaning of that was...if prayer isn't an active part of your day everyday, forcing them to do it at dinnertime becomes law. If praying with them before a big test, a dance at school, finding Mr. Bunny, etc. isn't a part of your everyday activities with your children and they aren't used to seeing that...forcing it on them becomes LAW.

I can tell you this, I don't want to fix my children, I want Jesus to be their Savior and it is my prayer that they are living in a house where the Holy Spirit is felt on an intimate level.

Created for Care is a weekend that I am so blessed to have attended the last two years and look forward to attending next year! If you want more information on Created for Care and their next retreat, you can go to their website: http://www.createdforcare.org